I had to give my hands a rest....

After that last blog....I was almost completely exhausted...took me like 3 days to write it. But I am pretty sure that I covered most everything I wanted to. If I didn't I guess it really wasn't all that important.

Hmm. So, I have found my niche I think, or rather where I belong. I believe. It's where I have been known for years, or, where enough time has been taken to actually figure me out.

I tend to build walls. Because I am so used to and so tired of getting hurt. I suppose that maybe it has hardened my heart to an extent. But again, it has also protected me. I don't wear it on my sleeve anymore.

I am not a childish bitch, I am a mother, I am a wife, I am a daughter, sister and aunt. I love my kids, and I love my husband, and my family. No matter how many fights my parents and I get into, no matter how many fights that I have with my brothers, at some point we all realize that no matter how pissed we get at each other that we are still family, and we can rely on each other.

My kids may not be with me full time, but their dad is barely in their life. They have had Grandma in their life since day one. When the divorce came around, rather that put my kids thru the terror of a huge custody fight, considering I had no lawyer, I gave up having the girls with me 80% of the time. Because I knew him, and when he was ready to stop playing "daddy" that the girls would be taken care of by his mom. Considering I still can't afford to modify the custody agreement now...and realllllllly couldn't then, it isn't my option of choice for them to not be with me, but it is the best alternative. His mother, her whole life is those 2 girls. Their granddad passed when Kayla was just a year old, and her son, well, isn't really around. So, they are all she has left to hold on to.

I am not by any means trying to shift my parental responisibilities off on someone else, but I am sharing with her the only joy brought out of my relationship with her son, our beautiful daughters. And I take every oppurtunity I can to parent my kids on a daily basis. Whether it be over the phone or when we are together, what ever the situation, when they are adults they will know that I was the one that actually took the time to be a PARENT, not a genetic contributor. And that I loved them enough to not drag them into a situation where at the time, I couldn't have physically, emotionally or financially taken care of them and that they had a guardian angel grandmother who was willing to take care of them.

I, unlike alot of "noncostodial" parents, do pay my child support. I do make special trips to see my girls, I attend all of their school functions, I help them with their homework. I do my best to teach them right from wrong. I spend quality time with them, how much time I get to spend with them is not as important as what we do with our time together.

If some people think this makes a horrible person then go ahead and think it. Because you really have no clue what I am about.

The people who actually spend real time around me know what kind of a person I really am. That is what matters. Those people whether they be blood kin or not are my family. Because we treat each other as such. I feel rather special that I have such a huge "family". These folks know who they are. To those people I send out a huge thank you for inviting me into your lives and accepting me as well as my kids.

I am closing for now, didn't know this was what it would turn to be, but, if I typed it, it must have needed typing.