Happenings

Not quite even sure what to type.

I know that I can talk. Alot. Anyone can tell that from some of my blogs. Those are my ramblings. I talk alot more on here than I do anywhere else.

I am the sort of person that attempts to let things roll off of my back as much as possible. On the other side, a person can only take so much before they just explode.

By the time I explode, the words flow out of my mouth, or onto my blog or in other places, sometimes with no thought, and most of the time taking ALOT of time to word things. Knowing that if I am not careful, that I can do more damage than good.

Per my last blog, I wasn't thinking alot about how I worded things. When truthfully in retrospect I shouldn't have worded anything. I shouldn't have let myself be dragged down to that level. But I am not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be.

There are only 2 ppl in this world that I can say that I have a strong dislike for. Those 2 ppl would be my ex husband, and the other person is a female...Neither one of them happens to be the person that I thought I was defending myself against yesterday. I don't hate any one person.

Sometimes you find out where you stand. Sometimes you are kept hanging. Sometimes you just don't know.

If I have made a mistake, then I own it. Yesterday's was not voicing my opinion, it was not taking enough time to realize that the way I feel may affect someone that I wasn't intending to make feel uncomfortable, in an adverse way.

I can take my lumps, and try to learn from that. Thats all I can do. I know that I have no control over anyone but myself. Sometimes I lose control. Everyone does. Thats nothing new.

I'm thinking I know where I stand. I could be wrong...I might not be. Thats for me to deal with.

Had Enough....Let it Flow Right Out of My Mind to My Keyboard...

No, I don't have to mention names. Because the involved parties are aware.

I am putting this here to remind myself....not quite sure of what....or why quite yet...but..here it is.. I wrote this:


Ok...thats it. I've had enough. ******** is going to kill me for this but I'm going to do it anyway. You won't have to run to her and tell her I did this because I have already told her.

You read my blog...I don't care. I have nothing to hide. It wasn't meant for you. I could give less of a shit if she spends more time with you than me. I could give less of one if I am the friend on the bottom of the totem pole. Even I only get to spend 5 minutes in a year with her it doesn't matter. Because bad times or good, we have seen each other thru a hell of a lot more that she has with you and we will always have a connection.

I am not the needy person that you are....I don't get freaked out if she talks to her other girlfriends, I don't get pissed if she spends any amount of time with her other girlfriends.I also don't delude myself into believing that I will be sharing a room with her in a nursing home and scrapbooking all day long when we are old. Everyones life takes different paths. And at some point in some way it will happen to you to.

Doesn't mean I don't care as much about her as you do. So, get over being jealous and petty because I am and always will be in the picture in some form or another. Delete it or don't....I don't care.


So...ya....thats what I did...without even thinking about it..maybe I should feel bad, maybe I shouldn't....I'll figure that out later...and deal with the aftermath then.

Ok, I suck at this blogging thing.....

I know it has been a really long time.. and I hate that. Alot has happened since Nov 21, the last time I posted, so, it possibly will take me a while and a few blogs to catch up.

*Normally*, I would have my kids every other weekend, but in the last 3 mos, I have had them almost every weekend. I so totally don't mind that. I love spending time with them. I do feel overwhelmed tho, because this have been a lil bit different so far this holiday season. When Greg is on the road, I have a clean house, because I don't mess much up by myself, and I have my daughters to clean their room because they are old enough to do so.

But when Greg is home, even when it's just me and him, it makes it hard to keep up...Greg's philosophy is a lil different than mine, like alot of other men, most of his stuff goes exactly where he leaves it.....NOT in it's place. Extremely hard to keep up when 2 of our kids, or both sets are there. I can't keep up so I typically don't try...doesn't do me any good.

So, therefore, I haven't put much effort in getting on here, or Myspace. When I do have down time by MYSELF.....I try to or at least attempt to catch up, which leaves not much time for this.

I finally got a kiddo free weekend this last one..and I took some time to make plans for lunch with Chelle. We ate and caught up, then made it over to her place so she could give me what she made for me for Christmas. I will have to post a pic of it later, but I think its absolutely awesome. What I thought was even more awesome happened when she had her gender sonogram. She sent me this text message saying. "Don't say anything or post it on myspace, its a Christmas surprise, but.....IT'S A GIRL!!!!"

Just like the blubbering idiot I was when I found out she was preggers with Garrett, I cried..no big surprise. I know how much she wanted a baby when she got pregnant with him, and I cried when I found out with this one, and when I found out she was having a girl, because, I know how long it took her to get pregnant and how much she wanted a daughter.

It made me feel pretty special because there have been ups and downs in our relationship, just like most. But the connection that she and I have on some level has kept us "together" for nearly 9 years. No one can break that. I respect the fact that I am not her only friend and won't be. I don't expect her to drop everything for me, and she doesn't expect it from me. I don't want to hinder her life, so I don't try to.

Anyway, so, I got to see all of Tori's clothes, and cute lil shoes (cept for the ones that Chelle couldn't find and wanted to)...all her lady bug bedding and other things. She is so excited about this little girl...I don't blame her. Girls are so much fun...I know...I have 2. Was so fun to dress them up...do their hair...etc..and I am glad she will get to do that.

Anyway, think I will close for now...its nearly time to start getting ready to go home, so, I need to close my brain from the blog so I can store up more stuff to write later.....hopefully really soon later....LOL