Good Mornin' Momma!

Every morning since school started this year, my daughters have called me every morning as they wait for the bus to pick them up at grandma's house.

Good Mornin' Momma they say...the bus will be here in 13 mins. Or 4 mins, however long they have left before the bus gets there. I love you, have a good day! Huggie Huggie Kissie Kissie Smoochie Smoochie MUAH MUAH!.....just like that! Kind of like my second alarm....lol. (Some morning's I am really thankful for it HaHa)

Then I can expect a call from them as soon as they get home from school and again right before bed. They haven't missed a beat yet....although you can definitely tell the difference between morning and bed time.

Oy! Last night they were screaming at each other while on the phone with me. The funny thing is, Grandma is much more patient with them than I am, I on the other hand am the one that gets called when they get out of control. And considering that I am not the Primary Conservator in our custody case (not by choice, long drawn out story, not gonna air that here) , it is almost that much more amusing.

I can be in Oklahoma visiting my mother and either their father or his mom, will call..."You really need to talk to the girls, they are not respecting us, they are talking back, and not minding."

REALLY??? I mean REALLY? I am all well...have you busted their butts? No? Well why not? The answer I get dumbfounds me.."I hate to spank them, I don't want them to hate me" That answer of course came from their dad. Then I have to spend 20 mins a piece telling each of them the same thing. "Do not let me hear that you haven't been minding, being disrespectful, and talking back to Grandma or Dad, because if I hear it, whether or not you have already been disciplined, you will be again when I see you. Do you understand?" Yes ma'am "Do you promise Mom that you will not do what I just said?" Yes ma'am " What did I just ask you not to do? I want you to tell me." They repeat... "Ok, now, you realize you just made me a promise?" Yes ma'am "What is a promise?" Keeping your word. "That's right, and if you don't keep your word, what does that mean?" That we can't be trusted to keep a promise "That is right...I knew you were smart..now, don't break your promise, because that also means momma will be disappointed in you." Yes ma'am.

Oh...I get it...Make momma the bad parent, the one that has to get on to them, the one that disciplines them...are ya thinkin' that's gonna make them hate me? Don't get me wrong, grandma will discipline and spank if she has to, she just chooses to wait until it is her last resort, then I am called crying because, grandma is being mean....LoL

I happen to think that (ha...as I type this, I can hear my mother saying it) boundaries should be set. I believe it helps teach them responsibility and respect. When I was pregnant with my oldest, I made my decision on discipline. I wasn't against spanking, but if I had to resort to it, I would do it with something other than my hand. I would rather them be scared of an object as opposed to me. Most likely a wooden spoon or similar.

I still believe that way. The difference now is, they know where my line is, and when they get close to it.....they get the "Momma Look". Whereas, Grandma and daddy have no clue how to get them to behave the way I can. They know that if they cross my boundary, it means even if I am on the phone with them, I will get them one way or another, if that means grounding them from xbox, internet, tv, or tearin' up the tushie....they are aware that I will not put up with that kind of behavior.

My girls for the most part are very well behaved. They do have their moments, let me tell you. But all in all I am very proud of the young ladies they have turned out to be. We do like to cut up and have fun together. I know all the yes ma'ams in the paragraph above must seem like I am hard on them..or my brother who was listening to the conversation does. He has a different parenting style. Anyway, let me clarify. I don't always make them say yes ma'am to me. But, if I am having a serious discussion with them like the one above, I want to know that they understand what I am telling them. And a respectful acknowledgement goes a long way.

Told my brother, I realize that we parent differently, (because he asked me why I make them say it.) I don't knock your way, and don't want mine knocked either. I told him the same as the prior paragraph. Discussion is one thing. I told him, you have to realize that my situation is different than yours, as I don't have "primary custody". The other end of the stick is, that their dad is hardly around, and grandma takes care of them for the most part. So, if dad isn't going to be a real parental figure, then someone has to be. Yanno, for being the non custodial parent, (that doesn't mean that I have no custody rights, we have joint, he is just primary and I can't afford an attorney to modify the custody agreement) I see our children more often than he, and being a part of my girls life, not just when they are good, but when they need correcting as well, I am more than proud to call myself their mom.

Every time I hear their voices, or see their faces, and both of their big bright blue eyes, I know that I couldn't go back and change any of the past if I had that chance. They are my world. I just hope that when they become parents, they can look back and say something like. "My mom was strong, she guided us down the right path, and helped us be the people we are."

I may never get to hear it, but I know that the way you choose to bring your kids up, in what ever situation, is important.

I realize this blog is kind of all over the place but...I write it as I feel it...lol

I hope when I am old and gray, that my girls will still pick up the phone every morning and say, "Good Mornin' Momma!...I love you, have a good day! Huggie Huggie Kissie Kissie Smoochie Smoochie MUAH MUAH!".....just like that!